Day 1

"just a day...just an ordinary day...."

Its day 1. Or maybe its day 3. Cant really remember. Time usually doesn't matter when you're floating in a void of nothingness.Wish it were nothingness...
Empty is what I feel, with brief glances of pain and longing. Still can't believe you're gone.
It was hard to get up today. The will wasn't there, the zeal for llife is extinguished. And yet I still move on. The pain is still fresh. A single thoiught of you and I fall into despair again. My phone buzzes and I wish to God it was you. They say yu can do without people but why oin earth am I dying  without you here. Going through the motions of life or day to day activities is pointless. Everything is pointless...because you were the main point.
Someone said your name on the way to work. Asking how you were. It took all I had to smile and say you were okay. Are you okay? Because Im not okay. I dont even know if you're okay. Im trying to call you but Im stopped by my beating heart. I cant even touch the phone for fear that maybe you were trying to call...didnt want to tie up the line. Telling that person you weree okay drained me. I had no strength left to continue to work. I turned round and went back home.
My dreams are of you, my thoughts are of you becuase my life was of you and I didnt know it. How could I not know it? How? My bed holds no comfort because all it does is reminfd me of that passion we shared...and rememebring this I weep. Inwardly ofcourse.
Im asked if Im ill and I wonder if this s what they mean by love sick. Always thought that love sick was being sick of love...having given or received too much of it...or both. Can you be love sick  if you are deprived of love? Or deprived of the one love you really need. Not want, but need.
I am at a loss. Cant get out of bed. Cant eat. Cant do anything. But I can sleep. Im tired of burning eyes that nolonger see your face, tired of silence taht was filled by your laugh, tired of the loneliness around me that has engulfed me...tired of it all. I look forward to sleep because atleast this is where you are still mine. This is were we are still together. This is where I can touch you again...I look forward to sleep becuse at least there...you are still here.
Ill dream on.

This is day 1. Maybe its day3. I wouldnt know anymore.